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Feb 12, 2009 
Yes, I will donate $1 for each qualifying comment to this post. But first, let me lay some groundwork.
Recently the doctor did some digging in the seamy boondocks of my armpit (see my post of Feb. 3, My Big Fat Greek Surgery).
Ahem. Please give me some small credit for discretion here. Notice I am not posting a picture.
The doctor’s excavation left me with a somewhat gaping, oozing, grotesque, abominable, horrific wound the size of the Grand Canyon. Perhaps I exaggerate slightly. But under your arm, every 1/2″ counts, you know.
The point is, my wife performs certain nursely acts on it each day, which involves the use of [MAJOR POINT HERE] “gauze.”
Last night, I found myself at a loss. [MAJOR POINT HERE] I desperately needed a pun using the word gauze. Of course, having slept on it, I now have a few in my inventory. But I was astounded how removal of limited body tissue had suddenly rendered me unable to perform this simple human task of punning on demand.
It struck me this morning [MAJOR POINT HERE]: What if I asked other people to help me think up a pun using the word gauze? And [MAJOR POINT HERE] what if I incented them (you) to do so?
Thus was born this post, which I am subtitling:
* MIKE’S PUNDRAISE FOR ADOPTION
Our church has a fund dedicated to assisting in adoptions. Three of our children are adopted, so this cause has some meaning for us. So [MAJOR POINT HERE] every $1 raised in this pundraiser will go to Redeemer Church’s Raimi Adoption Fund.
Rules and Regulations
1. Comment to this post, incorporating a pun using one of these words:
Gauze
Tape
Suture
Deodorant
Hidradenitis
2. Do not use any bad words. You know what I mean.
3. Employees, relatives, friends, acquaintances, and even people entirely unknown to myself are all allowed to participate.
4. You may make others aware of this pundraiser by any means you like.
4. Should the amount of money obligated by this pundraiser begin to jeopardize the timely sending of my house payment, or otherwise bring me into a position whereby another family would need to adopt me out of bankruptcy, I reserve the right to cap the amount at what my medical insurance company refers to as “fair and reasonable.”
Happy commenting. Remember, it’s for a good gauze.
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